Before mandated stay-at-home orders in March and early April, couples may have spent a few hours together in the mornings and a few hours in the evenings. Work, exercise, education, socializing and more dominated the bulk of most people’s schedules pre-COVID-19.
Focusonthefamily.com March 18 initiated a glass-half-full approach with guidelines for positive relationship experiences “in spite of the stressful situation”:
‒ Establish expectations. Determine how much together time is enough, then plan for quiet, alone times on a walk, in a room reading, etc.
‒ Plan interesting, fun, out-of-the-box times together that do not involve just being in the same room.
‒ Balance the load. Discuss household chores, but also “take advantage of doing chores together that would usually be done alone — especially cooking.”
‒ Talk and be transparent. A sudden loss of a job and income, a temporary halt to an exciting career or a change in an education path can cause feelings of grief and loss. Since everything might be different, ”… spend at least 10 minutes per day just focused on ‘inner-life’ issues (i.e., emotions, fears, worries, hopes and needs).”
Verywellhealth.com March 31 echoed these sentiments, while at the same time focusing on the importance of patience because “stress levels are higher than usual.” Couples within a home can give each other permission not to engage. Always filling up the space with conversation — or music or the news, for example — is not necessary.
When anxiety in relationships escalates, verywellmind.com suggests:
‒ Get outside.
‒ Move by dancing, lifting weights, doing yoga, jumping rope, etc.
‒ Schedule a time to “worry” and discuss news of the virus, then agree not to fixate on anxious thoughts for the remainder of the day.
‒ Maintain outside social connections via phone, video chats, letters and social distancing.
Verywellmind.com’s final bit of advice: “Although things may feel really stressful right now, the pandemic won’t last forever. So try to keep the big picture in mind.”