This can be a strange time of year. There are songs, commercials, shows on the television, movies and articles in the paper about the spirit of giving, loving, blessings, and the joy of family and friends. You see visions of couples holding hands, snuggling into each other on a cold winter’s night or buying the perfect present for the love of their life.
But what if you are single? What if you are used to spending Christmas with a certain someone and that isn’t happening this year? What if you are feeling lonely? Sad? Lost? How do you hold your head up and enjoy the holiday season without feeling like losing yourself in a bottle of wine or a large box of chocolates?
Holidays can be tough if you are single. If it’s a recent situation, old memories can come to surface. You remember the warm fuzzy moments, the loving moments. And sometimes it’s not even the person you are missing but rather just having someone special to spend the holidays with you. You wish you had someone to cuddle with by the fire or someone to surprise on Christmas day or maybe you long to be spoiled, knowing someone took special care to find the best present for you.
It’s also difficult going to social functions. You walk in alone and you feel so exposed. It’s easier to just not go than to face the questions of why you are there alone, what happened or listen to the “Oh, I’m so sorry.”
Yes, it’s a challenging time of year, but it doesn’t have to be two weeks of holding your breathing just waiting for it to be over.
There is another way to get through it and maybe even enjoy it.
1. Challenge those negative thoughts that may creep into your head. Don’t allow any of those thoughts to tell you that you are a loser or less than in any way because you don’t have a partner at this time. There were times when I was so lonely, and yet I was in a relationship! Everyone has problems and challenges; you are not alone in how you are feeling. I know many unhappy couples that envy the people out there who are free to do what they like during this season because they are single. They can lead uncomplicated lives because they don’t have to worry about another person and the baggage that person has around the holidays.
2. It’s important to not stop your life just because you aren’t with a partner this season. Accept the party invitations and walk in with your head held high because you are a strong, independent individual. Don’t limit your experiences because you feel you need another person to be there. Give yourself the opportunity to meet new people or connect with others in perhaps a deeper way, especially if you are newly single. This is a chance to get to know people on a different level because you aren’t focused on your partner this year. You may be surprised that people are interested in what you have to say because you aren’t stuck in a day to day routine that can become monotonous. You are now more interesting.
3. Give to others. If you are feeling lousy, the best way to get rid of that is to find others in need and give to them. It’s humbling and puts your problems into perspective. If you have the money, use the money you would normally spend on your partner and purchase gifts for others who may not have gifts otherwise. You can contact food banks, shelters, senior centers, hospitals or animal shelters to see what they need. By giving, you will receive. You can give your time, your energy, your love and your compassion to others and in turn, you will be giving it to yourself.
4. Be kind to yourself. You will have good days and you will have bad days. On the bad days, don’t beat yourself up and make yourself feel worse. I honestly find exercising boosts me up like nothing else. I can be feeling so sad, lonely or totally uninspired and if I go for a jog, I always feel better afterwards. If I cross train, I crank up the music and dance a little. Honor your feelings because they are real, but then don’t sit there too long, you can do something about it.
5. Surround yourself with loving, supportive family and friends. These are the people you know who will nurture you by just welcoming you into their home. Allow them to love you and take care of you. Allow yourself to enjoy a meal and just appreciate their company. It’s a vulnerable time so give yourself the gift of love this year by surrounding yourself with loving people.
Being without a partner this holiday season may be tough but with some extra care and some gentleness towards yourself, you can get through it. Don’t sit in the sadness, loneliness or feeling sorry for yourself, put yourself in action, and do something about it. You always have a choice.
If you would like to learn more about Tina please go to http://www.the40by40.com where she openly shares her story and gives you more tips on how you can improve your life. You can also follow her on facebook under Tina Moore’s “THE 40by40”.
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