I Can’t Believe I’m 30 And Never Had A Real Date

I have to make a confession (one that is known by so few). Although I’ve hung out with a few guys, I have never had a real date. It seems a little weird to say that I am 30 and have never had a real date, but I know I can’t be the only woman who this describes. It just boggles my mind, for whatever reason, this can occur to no fault of the woman. Let me explain. I am a reasonably intelligent, educated, passionate woman. I am a world traveler, who enjoys laughing, adventure, and loving life. Okay, so I am picky–very picky, with high expectations and standards. I have friends who want me to lower my standards, but to me that says they don’t think I deserve what I think I deserve. I refuse to settle. I don’t believe in doing it, and I have known too many people who have done it in various aspects of their lives.

In high school, I was never really interested in dating. I didn’t think anything of this at the time, after all, I was more interested in hanging out with my friends. I did have this mad crush on a guy who was my friend, but he (I assume because everyone knew how much I liked him) didn’t like me like that, which you will soon realize just happens to be a repetitive theme in my life. A few weeks before prom, I started talking to another guy, because I really wanted a prom date. We were having problems a couple days before prom, but I didn’t want to end it, because we had already paid for everything for prom. I stuck it out, and it ended right after prom.

I went to college, As college goes, you’re broke, and no one has money to go out on a real date. My freshman year, I hung out with a couple of guys. One heavily pursued me, and we started going out. Just as I really started to like him, Christmas came, and he became interested in someone else. My first semester sophomore year, I met a guy, and we started going out, which consisted of hanging out at his place most of the time. We went out to eat once in our three month relationship (which to this date in my life is still my longest relationship), but I had to pay for the both of us. He, very conveniently, “had no money.” Second semester sophomore year, I met a group of guys. From that moment until the end of my college years, I hung out almost exclusively with this group and never really thought about dating. Okay, I thought about dating… one of them. We hung out, wanting to start something, and decided to tell the rest of the group. Needless to say, that was the beginning and the end of us.

After college, I had another mad crush on someone I worked with. Once again, he knew (as everyone knew) how much I liked him; and again, I could only assume, he didn’t feel the same, although I was hoping and praying that would change… but oh, it never did. I changed jobs a year later. Six months after I started my job, I had lunch with a guy, as friends. We went dutch. Shortly after, we started seeing each other but never really went on a date. It ended in a month. A month later, I started seeing someone else. We hung out but, again, never went out, because he was broke. It lasted a month. That was 6, yes 6, years ago. And you know what? I haven’t been out with anyone since. It’s not that I don’t want to, because I do… really, I do. I just don’t know where to meet them. Bars and clubs aren’t really my scene, plus how many relationships have worked out well from them. I’m not saying they can’t work out, but I don’t enjoy those scenes, so why would I go there in hopes of meeting someone? I haven’t worked with anyone whom I’m interested in. My friends are married and know no good single men. I’ve asked them. I know some good single men still exist… but, where are they?

I’ve been asked my whole life, “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” If I knew the answer to this question, which I hate, by the way, I would try to rectify it. Lately, I’ve been asked, “When are you getting married?” Well… you have to have been on a real date first. What really remains a mystery to me is how I am 30 years old and have never had a real date. How is that possible? Not because I am a supermodel, but I just never thought that I would be 30 and never been on a date. Most girls go on their first date when they are 16. So, I’ve missed that boat… by just a few years. I’ve heard numerous times, “It will happen when you are not looking.” Well, I haven’t really been looking for the last 30 years… and it has yet to happen.

I don’t think my date expectations are too high. What I mean by a real date is dinner, one where I am not paying for him. Included in the date would be a movie, a comedy show, piano bar, nice walk, or anything that shows a little imagination is a nice touch. Shoot, who am I kidding? At this point, I would go for just dinner.

Also, my guy standards used to be a lot lower. They have risen a bit throughout the years. Okay, so I can tell you my “ideal” man (but then again, can’t everyone?), but I’m willing to compromise on certain things (he doesn’t have to be an architect). I’m not willing to settle, which is why my previous men encounters have lasted so briefly. I’m not the kind of woman who will go out with a guy for a free meal or just for the sake of going. If there’s no potential for something more, I will end it. Hence, the one month encounters mentioned above.

In the last couple of years, I have really enjoyed spending time with my girlfriends (although all are married). This may hinder my man situation just a bit. My friends are no longer looking, so when we go out, we don’t go to the same places we would have gone when we were single. I can’t really go looking for someone by myself. Okay, so maybe I haven’t aggressively pursued to rectify this as much as I could. So if you don’t meet someone at work or through a friend, where does a single girl go to become a “real” date for someone? I’ve asked around, and no one seems to have a definitive answer. Now… there’s a real mystery for you. So, guys, anyone up for dinner?