What Is A Narcissist?

Selfish men… they need no introduction, do they? We know them all too well. Or do we? At one time, I thought I knew how to spot a selfish man, only to find, years later, I had no clue … literally.

When dating, we try to avoid selfish men. We want to date a caring and compassionate man, and any sign of selfishness is a warning sign. Women pay attention to red flags. They are there for a reason … to warn us. But what happens when there are no red flags?

What if the person you fell in love with never offered up any type of red flag at all? He appeared more caring and sensitive than any man you’ve ever met. You thought you had finally found your knight in shining armor. You fall madly in love, certain you will spend the rest of your life together.

Years later, you wake up and realize the man lying in bed next to you is not the man you fell in love with at all. In fact, he’s not even close. There is no resemblance between this selfish person and the caring and giving man you fell in love with years ago. You know, the man you thought understood you like no one else? No, that man does not exist. He probably never did.

He put on an act for one purpose: to seduce and control you. And it was for one reason: to ensure you would be present to fulfill his every selfish need for the rest of his life. This is my story, and I know others can relate.

In the beginning, everything was wonderful, right? He treated you like a queen and put you on a pedestal. My ex-husband, Andrew, wrote endless amounts of romantic poetry for me. He treated me so well in the beginning that it seemed too good to be true. I should have listened to the old adage, “If it seems too good to be true, it is” for he was the furthest thing from the truth. I realized in the end that he had been putting on an act to win me over.

Unfortunately, men like Andrew are very good actors, which makes it difficult to see through them. They can emulate emotions better than anyone. While they appear more sympathetic than the average man, the truth is, they are incapable of having strong feelings toward anyone but themselves. They have difficulty feeling love or empathy for anyone. They do not experience these feelings as others do. As a result, doing things for others is pointless to them. Their entire life revolves around doing things to please themselves.

Of course you’re probably thinking to yourself, everyone has feelings. You may think that feelings are instinctual and we are all born with the ability to feel. You’re right. All humans have emotions. However, everyone is different in how they relate to their feelings. I am not a mental health professional, but I have learned one basic and fundamental truth about humans and their emotions: Some individuals are more in touch with their feelings than others.

Humans have found many ways of numbing themselves in an effort to avoid having to feel. For some, drinking alcohol or doing drugs helps numb unwanted feelings and allows an individual to disconnect from himself for a short while.

In dire circumstances, individuals eventually learn not only how to numb their pain, but develop an ability to disconnect from their feelings altogether. They separate from their emotions because they have learned their feelings do not help them. They only cause them pain.

Listen to Lisa E. Scott at http://www.AllAboutHim.com where you can follow her on her weekly radio show – All About Him – building awareness on narcissism, offering advice on spotting a narcissist, and a support group call the Vain Forum, which is a message board and blog to help women get out of their narcissistic relationships that are holding them back.