When Does Dating Become A Relationship?

When I talk about dating, I refer to initially meeting a person that there is an interest in, then getting to know and learn that person mentally, intellectually, and eventually romantically. More often than not, dating begins with two individuals being physically attracted to each other. This is usually the first step. Those two people then begin talking. The conversation gives each person an indication of how the other one thinks and rationalizes, although that is only a small indication. The initial conversation usually determines whether future conversations or interactions will take place between the two. Sometimes it only takes two minutes for someone to realize that they are not interested in getting to know the other person any further. Therefore, it stops right there, even though there may have been an initial physical attraction. For others, they may enjoy the initial conversation and desire to see the person again to get to know them better.

It goes without saying that people display their best qualities when they meet someone for the first time. It’s common sense. You are pleasant.You smile, are friendly and sometimes complimentary. You have interesting discussions and seem very charming. Friendships on all levels normally begin this way. If you showed that you were moody, judgmental, critical or pessimistic, nobody would ever want to explore a friendship or anything further with you, so you put your best qualities forward.

In dating, the attraction evolves into a more serious friendship as two people share deep interests in each other and begins to desire the constant companionship of each. When the interest to one another becomes strong to the point that both have no desire to date other people, it then becomes exclusive, which means that the dating has transitioned into a relationship. This decision is agreed upon by both individuals. As the relationship progresses, you learn more and more about each other and either continue liking the person you are involved with or you begin disliking the traits that are being displayed. Many times you begin to deeply care about the person you are dating, and are pleased with their personality traits. In the first instance however, you must make a decision of whether you want to continue being with the person who you are starting to dislike. You may feel that their bad qualities outweigh their good qualities, and that it is not worth it for you to pursue them because of their issues.

Learning and getting to know each other is foundational in dating. It is an ongoing process that does not happen quickly. As time goes by, more of the real person is revealed and various situations will show you their true colors, how they respond to stress, how they handle pressure, how they talk to others, how they manage their finances, etc. The process takes time, and as it unfolds, you come into a new revelation of who they really are. You also discover a lot about yourself as you are learning them;because as they reveal who they are, your actions are revealing who you are to them. Just as you are learning them, they are also learning you and if you react to their behaviors negatively, they will begin to view you negatively, regardless of the reason why you responded the way you did.

Either way it goes, the relationship will move forward and the manner in which it evolves determines your next move. My advice is to allow things to transition naturally.

Communication

Communication is an absolute must in every area of life. It is the sole means by which information is shared. The clarity of the information given determines the degree of understanding to the receiver. When it comes to dating and relationships, communication is the avenue by which individuals are effective in understanding each other’s thoughts and feelings. Poor communication skills, disagreements and misunderstandings can be a source of resentment and distance which can ultimately lead to an ugly breakup.

Without communication, a relationship will inevitably fail. It is important that both individuals are able to effectively communicate their thoughts, feelings and opinions to each other without fear of being criticized, insulted or offended. Use clear communication to establish a common ground to understand each other’s points of view. People in relationships need feedback from each other. Without it, they will not know what the other person expects. Relationships usually deteriorate when what is needed and wanted is not expressed or communicated effectively.

As the relationship gets more serious, conversations on not-so-comfortable issues must be held. For instance, if marriage is being considered, then money matters must be discussed.Raising a family, where to live, and how many children to have are also necessary conversations. One may notice that the other has a major problem with shopping too much and not paying their bills on time. This may be a red flag that their financial priorities may not be in order. These issues would need to be addressed if both parties are assessing each other’s suitability as a future spouse.

The amount of debt that has been accumulated is vitally important because if marriage is being explored, then the debt that one has becomes the debt of both. Is it fair for the responsible one to be penalized by having their credit damaged because of the irresponsibility of the other? When this happens, two people’s credit becomes ruined as opposed to the one. This is also why credit history conversations should be held as well as savings and spending habits.

Although many don’t believe in pre-marital sex, over 80% of Americans who are sexual active are not married. Therefore discussions on sex and the manner in which the other likes to be pleased should be held, along with the best safety precautions to take. When problems or disagreements about sexual issues are not discussed openly and honestly, it can bring stress and anxiety into the relationship.

Intimacy and Romance

Intimacy is a closeness that two people share in a relationship that is developing and progressing. Dating inevitably progresses into romance and intimacy. After two people have spent quality time together while enjoying a mutual adoration and attraction for each other, then intimacy usually comes into play. Intimate relationships play a necessary role in the overall human experience.This stage allows couples to express their emotions in a physical manner by way of holding hands, hugging, massaging, fondling, kissing, and making love. It makes both individuals feel good physically and emotionally and allows the affectionate part of who you are to be expressed. Intimacy should not be confused with love though. In other words, you do not love a person because of the way they make you feel physically. Sex is not love. Love is not sex. Romance sometimes fades. When this happens, you must have something left. However, because you may already love a person, the sex may make that love that much more pleasant; but when you confuse love with how a person makes you feel during sex, your perceptions of the true person becomes distorted and all you see and focus on is the physical satisfaction they give you while at the same time, overlooking essential characteristics about them that are important, such as character, integrity and honesty. There must be a balance in every area if you are to enjoy a happy, healthy and loving relationship!

Dr. Mia Y. Merritt is an educator with over 17 years experience working with students as a teacher, Assistant Principal and college professor. Dr. Merritt is a published author of eight books on the subjects of personal development, motivation, prosperity and adult education. Dr. Merritt has a Ph.D in Organizational Leadership, a Masters Degree in Exceptional Education, and a Bachelor’s Degree in Elementary Education. She is a keynote speaker and often travels the country giving keynote addresses. Dr. Merritt is the President/CEO of M&M Motivating, which provides services in teen/youth training, corporate retreats and seminars, and staff development.